A Birthday Gift: For the Seasons Trilogy
by HereLies
Summary: Today is Boys Do Like Girls birthday! In honor of the author of Seasons Unending, we've thrown a birthday party and have invited all our characters to attend. If you're a Seasons fan, please read and leave a birthday wish for BDLG in the comments.


**A Birthday Gift**

**Today is the birthday of Boys Do Like Girls, the author of the Season's Trilogy. In honor of that, I contacted some of his regular reviewers and together we wrote this. It's a party and everyone is invited! Please, read (or not) and leave your Happy Birthday wishes for BDLG in the comments. **

**Our Authors:**

**There She Goes and Shes Comin: **Is BDLG's twin brother (HAPPY BIRTHDAY!) and the author of the madly popular Perry Jackson fanfiction _The Perseus Attraction_

**BrunetteAuthorette99: **Is the author of _The Bear and the Wolf _ featuring the Dragonborn Kajsa Red-Blade.

**GetOutOfMyBathroom: **Is the author of _Of Heroes and Legends: The Birth of a Legend_ featuring his Dragonborn Stigr Land-Strider

**JakMartheDarkWarrior**: Is still working on his first story, but we're looking forward to it.

**RaptorZeroOne** and **SpecialAgentOrange** are not writers, but they were kind enough to let me borrow their Dovahkiins for a little while and to give me some ideas on what they'd be doing at this party.

**Here Lies: **Is a strange woman with strange ideas for birthday gifts. She's also the author of _According to Plan_, featuring her Dragonborn, Thora Swordmaker.

**There She Goes and Shes Comin**

I glared at the invitation: 'Come to BoysDoLikeGirls surprise party at the Palace of the Kings tonight!'

I noticed no-one was throwing me a party. I mean, sure, it wasn't like I'd asked for one, or made any friends to throw it for me, but it would have been nice to be noticed. I adjusted the black woollen tunic and glared at my brother.

"Remind me why I'm wearing this again?"

My brother, brushing his hair in the reflection of his shield, spared me a glance.

"We want to appear realistic."

I sighed. "Just because you're convinced you live in the magical world of Skype-"

"-Skyrim," he corrected.

"Doesn't mean," I continued, "that you have to act like some sort of High Elf."

From his scandalised face, I knew I'd done something wrong.

"What?" I asked.

He moved towards me, his hair forgotten. "Just because I care, does that make me like one of the greatest evils to infest this fair land, one that seeks to enslave and destroy all mankind under the heel of Aldmerian oppression?"

"What?" I asked again, because he wasn't speaking my language.

He sighed obviously annoyed with my lack of gayness. I mean, knowledge on this great game. (_Please don't hurt me Skyrim fans_.)

I moved up to the carriage and held open the door.

"Either way, fact of the matter is I could have been out with my girlfriend tonight, but instead I'm going to the King's-"

"-Palace of the Kings."

"Palace of the _**Sausage**_ Kings to hang out with Balgruff and that talking dragon."

"If you mean Paarthurnax," my brother said, climbing into the carriage and adjusting his armour, "then you are sadly wrong when you say 'talking' dragon, like he's some kind of trained bird. He's one of the greatest minds that has ever existed. "

"You name the beasts?" I ask, climbing in after him.

My brother pulled on his gloves. "You're going to offend an awful lot of people with that cavalier attitude towards the Skyrim and the Elder Scrolls."

I waved a hand. "Who cares for some lost scrolls? Let them stay lost is my only view on it."

"Many do. I for one would like to find the lost scroll of Dather-"

"Can I stop you there?" I asked.

He looked at me. "Yeah?"

"Nothing; I just wanted to stop you there."

He cleared his throat. "Very funny."

"I think you mean drole," I put in.

He looked away. "I don't think I did."

"No," I started to explain. "See, funny means you should be laughing, while 'drole' is French for amusing."

We came up to the something-Palace-of-whatever.

"Well," he smirked. "I'll be the one laughing in a moment."

I raised my eyebrows. "Indeed."

My brother moved out of his carriage, but not before handing me some papers. "Hand these out, won't you?"

I took them. "What are th-," but my brother was already striding into his party. I snorted, before stepping out of the carriage and moving towards a fire.

"Jon Stormcloak dies, huh?" I read. "Sounds gay," I muttered, before throwing them into the fire.

I strode into the hall, blinking in the light. I admit, I was a little disconcerted to be smaller than the Nord women, but end of the day, they all spoke like Russians and had the horrible goblin faces (Skyrim has yet to make a good looking character), so I took a little happiness in that. I made my way through the hall, safe in the knowledge I'd have no temptation to cheat on my girlfriend here, before I was approach by two people. One was an old geezer, and the other looked like a man/woman.

"I'm Delphine," the woman said, holding out a hand. "This is Esbern."

I raised my eyebrows at the guy, who looked like he was going to pop it anytime soon, before turning back to her.

"You look strong," she started. "Can I count on you to help us take down a dragon menace?"

I held up a hand. "A.) I'm not that strong. B.) I don't slay dragons, mainly because I can't."

She moved closer. "Maybe you'll consent to dance with me then?"

I frowned at her weird face. "Nah, it's okay, but don't worry, I've been asked that before."

Esbern wheezed something.

"Burned," I agreed, before moving off into the hall, where my brother was talking with his friends.

"This is going to be a long night," I sighed.

**Here Lies**

"_**Surprise!**_"

Here Lies thought her face would crack open from how hard she was smiling as she took in her victim's expression. The poor young man looked simultaneously happy, lost, nervous, but mostly confused.

Smoothly she moved from her spot beside the Stormcloaks to stand with the two guests of honor.

"Happy Birthday!" she exclaimed, shifting to give Boys Do Like Girls a motherly kiss on the cheek. He barely seemed to notice as his eyes excitedly scanned the hall. She repeated her words to There She Goes and Shes Comin, and he embraced her sociably as he accepted her kiss.

"Right, I'm off. Where's the food?"

"The bar's on the left," she answer, pointing, "the foods on the right." As indicated there were a line of what appeared to be whole sides of beef roasting on giant rotisseries along the East wall of the hall.

"Wow, that looks good." There She Goes commented, his tone suggesting that he was impressed despite his expectations.

"I had the Hall of Valor cater."

There She Goes and Shes Comin was clearly struggling for something non-offensive to say, and after a few moments, he gave up. "Whatever."

Boys Do Like Girls finally seemed to come out of his trance as his brother left them. "You did it."

"I told you I would."

"Who _are_ all these people?" He indicated the crowd of roughly a hundred people.

"It's a pretty even mix of Bethesda characters- see, there's Ulfric, Ralof," she frowned, "Balgruuf's somewhere around here. Then there's your original characters, Jon and Ysold and that crew, and the rest are your readers who wanted to participate.

"Really?"

She flagged down a waiter with a tray and got a pair of goblets. "Yup, some of them wrote their own point of views, and other's just gave me descriptions and told me what they wanted to be doing." She handed him a goblet. "Drink up!"

He sniffed suspiciously, "Is this mead?"

She held up a single finger as she drank deeply. When the goblet was empty, she continued. "We're in Skyrim. What else would it be?"

"I'm not much of a drinker."

"You'll be fine. One: it's a party, two: it's fiction. No worries."

He cautiously took a sip. "Oh, this is pretty good."

"Told you. Just make sure you drink a glass of water for each glass of mead and you'll be fine." She traded her empty goblet for a full one and drank a bit more. "Come on. There's so many people wanting to talk to you."

"I can mingle on my own." He offered politely.

"I know, but it's my point of view, so I've got to stick around," she shrugged, "at least until the next section."

"Oh. Right. Okay."

They walked to the first large group. They were easily recognizable, between Ulfric's well known countenance, and Jon's impressive height.

"I think you know everyone here," Here Lies grinned and indicated Ulfric, Alea, Alsfur, Ralof, Jon and Ysold. They each stepped forward to greet the writer and shake his hand.

"Where's Ulfgar?"

"He's talking to the Dragons" Alea offered helpfully.

Boys Do Like Girls's eyebrow quirked up. "Dragons?"

Here Lies pointed down the hall. On the left were two huge forms, one red and one white. The red one, was swaying brokenly with the music playing in the background. "Is Odahviing …_dancing_?"

"You might call it that," Alsfur replied. "Frankly, he's drank so much I'm impressed he's even standing."

As they watched, Ulfgar spun towards them and held up a hand, all his fingers splayed apart. "Five? I'm going to have to cut him off soon," Here Lies sighed.

"Five?"

"Barrels of mead."

"Oh," Boys Do Like Girls observed helplessly. "How are you going to cut a dragon off?"

The woman chuckled. "There's no lack of Dovahkiin Thu'uri here."

"Yeah, I supposed I should be glad Alduin isn't here."

Here Lies giggled darkly. "Yes," she said disingenuously.

Just then the music changed and Ysold leapt forward, taking Boys Do Like Girls's hand. "Dance with me."

"I've got to go and check on things with Brunwulf." Here Lies excused herself, taking a moment to observe the party. She noticed There She Goes and Shes Comin dancing with Selina Black, one of the prettiest girls in the room, and he seemed to be chatting easily with her.

Here Lies got her goblet refilled, and then stopped to check on the dinner with Ysgramor. As she watched, the huge warrior poured a barrel of thick mead over the roasting meat. It smelled heavenly, which she figured was only appropriate.

As she crossed the dance floor, she heard Ysold speaking to Boys Do Like Girls, "I wanted to thank you for all the beautiful scenes you given me with Jon."

"You're welcome." While he tried to sound cool, the writer was blushing alarmingly. "I, uh, hope you don't mind the, uh, mature nature of th-them."

The woman tilted her head back so that her long hair brushed over his arms and, Here Lies noticed, pushed her chest forward. "On the contrary," she whispered breathily, "I'd love to show you how grateful I am."

The young man jumped, and Here Lies figured that was her cue to step in. "Hey, Ysold, Jon needs you, and the Dragons were asking for our 'man-of-the-hour'."

To her credit, Ysold moved off gracefully, murmuring to Boys Do Like Girls that they would talk later.

"So, did you write her like that?"

"No," he said in a small voice.

**Kajsa Red-Blade**

Kajsa couldn't believe her eyes. Ulfric Stormcloak, _her_ Ulfric, was _flirting_ with another woman – and what's more, at tonight's party in full view of everyone!

It was the first thing she'd seen as she walked through the doors of the Palace of the Kings: the two of them standing together off to the side of the general party hustle and bustle, talking and laughing. Once or twice, the mystery woman put her hand on the jarl's arm and Kajsa had to grit her teeth to keep herself from Shouting. But it was even harder to restrain her raging jealousy when she saw a smiling Ulfric tuck a single lock of long, black hair behind the woman's ear.

And she just stood at the doors, watching them in shock, her hands clenched into white-knuckled fists and every broken, envious heartbeat pounding achingly in her chest.

_You knew this day was coming,_ the cynical voice within her whispered, dredging up all of her worst fears. _The day where he'd abandon_ you _– a common thief and sellsword – for someone else... someone older, someone more beautiful and honorable, someone of noble breeding. He may have said he loved you, but he was using you to achieve his own ends. And now, he no longer needs or wants you._

_But why talk like the battle's over and she's won it?_ Eyes narrowed, the Dragonborn skirted the mass of people filling up the hall and headed straight for the pair, ignoring the objections of those she elbowed aside. _Whoever you are, know that the battle's just begun... _Now standing right next to the two of them, she cleared her throat to catch Ulfric's attention.

"Yes, I –" The jarl stopped mid-sentence and glanced over at the Dragonborn. His blue-green eyes flickered with alarm for a moment before his calm, regal façade went up again. "Kajsa."

"Ulfric," she responded, laying a bit of meaningful stress on his given name.

"It's good to see that you could make it." Taking one of her hands in his own, he brought it up to his lips and briefly kissed her knuckles in a polite, yet somewhat impersonal fashion, then released her hand, eyeing her appreciatively. "You look lovely tonight."

Smiling coyly, the Dragonborn preened for a moment. "I seem to recall you once saying that you loved me in dresses – this one in particular." She twirled slightly, allowing her silken skirts to shift around her hips in a rather enticing motion. _Dear gods and Daedra, I feel ridiculous. Is this how those silly, high-born ladies feel all the time – except, perhaps, without being conscious of it?_

"Is that a gown from Radiant Raiment?" It was the mystery woman – who, now that the other noticed, was wearing a dress of a similar cut and color, a rich Eastmarch blue that brought out her eyes. "It certainly looks like it was tailored for you."

Kajsa's resentment came rushing back instantly with the sound of the pleasant, feminine voice and the sight of the eerily similar dress, and she was instantly refocused on her goal. "That it is. Ulfric," she asked, looking meaningfully at the man in question and smiling tightly, "would you care to introduce me to your... _friend?_"

The jarl frowned at the venom in her voice, but acquiesced. "Kajsa, this is Alea of Solitude." He gestured to the no-longer-mystery woman. "Alea, this is Kajsa Red-Blade."

Alea smiled warmly, but with a hint of caution. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

The Dragonborn nodded her head somewhat curtly in acknowledgement. "How are you acquainted with Ulfric? Are you with the Stormcloaks?"

"Oh, no," the older woman laughed. "Ulfric and I have known each other for a long time." Her handsome features turned slightly wistful. "We met in the Great War, when he was in the Imperial City. I was a serving girl working for the Legion then."

Kajsa raised an eyebrow. "A serving girl? My, my. You certainly don't seem it now."

The wary frown on Ulfric's face had now turned to an all-out glare at her tart comment. "Kajsa –"

"It's fine, Ulfric," Alea gently interrupted, placing a hand on his arm again. "I'm used to those of higher birth looking down upon me."

The Dragonborn laughed harshly. "I'm hardly a noblewoman."

"I can believe that. If you at least a lady of good breeding, you'd have learned the importance of good manners." The older woman's tone turned firm, quietly rebuking.

"Curtseying properly and saying 'please' and 'thank-you' all the time doesn't exactly work well in the thick of battle," Kajsa rejoined scathingly. "I'm willing to bet you've never even wielded a blade in your life."

"I think you'd be surprised at my skill," Alea shot back.

"You wouldn't stand a chance against me," the Dragonborn scoffed. "The title of Harbinger isn't one that the Companions hand out to any milk-drinker that walks into Jorrvaskr. Neither is that of Dragonborn."

The other's eyes widened for a moment in disbelief. "You lie!" she retorted, her semblance of calm beginning to erode. "My son Jon is the Last Dragonborn!"

"You're deluding yourself," Kajsa told her with a sneer. "It's your son that's the pretender. I've never even heard of this 'Jon.' And if you'd like proof that I'm Dragonborn, I'd be more than happy to show you."

Alea smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Do you mean to tell me that you've never heard of Jon _Stormcloak?_"

"_Stormcloak"? _Stunned, the Dragonborn gaped for an instant, then immediately whipped her head around to stare at Ulfric, waiting for his explanation.

The jarl paused for a moment, but nodded his head. "Jon is my son."

"_Our _son," the older woman corrected mildly, a sort of triumph glinting in her eyes.

It was all Kajsa could do not to reel back as though she'd been slapped, but her fingernails dug painfully into her palms. "You said that you cared for me," she accused, rounding on Ulfric. "And to think that I was fool enough to believe you –"

Now it was Alea's turn to gape angrily at Ulfric. "You said _what _to her?! But you said that _I _was the only woman you'd ever loved!"

The jarl raised a hand, and both of the women fell silent, seething at each other. "I will not deny my words," Ulfric said firmly. "But I meant what I said to both of you. I do love you both, but in very different ways and for very different reasons."

Kajsa and Alea immediately opened their mouths to say something, but they were cut off by the plaintive plucking of a lute across the hall, and then a steady drumbeat and the wavering note of a flute to accompany it. Both of them froze, and then instantly turned their attention to the jarl, focusing on him as intently as a cat stalking a bird.

"Ulfric," the older woman began with a slow smile, "do you remember that night of Sun's Height in the Imperial City? This exact same tune was playing as _we_ danced together."

"_I_ remember," the Dragonborn chimed in, "that this was what you hummed when you and I danced after _we_ met for dinner at Hjerim." Unclenching her fists, she invitingly held out her hand to the jarl. "Come dance with me again."

Alea stepped in front of her. "Age before beauty, _Dragonborn._"

"Grace before meat, _serving girl_," Kajsa hissed.

"Enough, both of you!" Ulfric snapped, throwing up both of his hands. "If you two _ladies _would be so kind, I'd like to go get a drink. Hopefully, by the time I return, you'll have gotten your undeserved rancor under control."

"'_Undeserved'_?!" the two women chorused in outrage and incredulity, glaring furiously at each other – but the jarl had already taken advantage of the outburst to slip away.

**Here Lies**

"What the hell was that?"

Here Lies was chortling to herself. "That's BrunetteAuthorette99's Dragonborn. She's a little-"

"Insane?"

"I was going to say 'high-strung'."

Boys Do Like Girls looked at her dubiously.

"Oh, like Jon is the Good Mental Health poster boy?" She quickly turned her back on the scene and said "Let me know when Ulfric comes over this way."

"He's coming." Boys Do Like Girls watched the Jarl, and then jumped when he looked back at his companion. The forty-ish woman was gone, and in her place was someone twenty years younger, eight inches taller, and a several stones lighter. Her brown hair and eyes were now replaced with the standard Nordic blue eyes and blond hair. "What?"

The woman turned around, "Ulfric."

"Thora?" The High King paled, and nervously looked back to see if his other women had noticed the new arrival.

"Problem?" Thora asked brightly.

"Ah-"

"You!" Alea screeched, marching over with Kajsa on her heels.

"What seems to be the problem?" Thora laughed somewhat cruely.

"I seem to be having an excess of love interests," he replied, gamely trying to maintain his dignity.

"I think you're just lucky Dyce isn't here."

"That's not funny!" the jarl muttered coldly.

"Who's Dyce?" Boys Do Like Girls asked.

"Mongoose-bite's omni-sexual Dragonborn. A pretty little Breton man who's most recent conquest was the Distinguished Jarl over here."

"What _is_ going on here?" Alea shrieked.

"Ladies, I do love you all, but I'm not- I don't know!" Ulfric flailed.

Here Lies decided things were getting out of hand and transformed back to her username self. "Let's all calm down. Here, have some mead." She passed around a bottle. "This is Boys Do Like Girls sandbox, which means here Ulfric belongs to Alea."

Kajsa had her dagger in hand and looked like she was considering how much of a damage bonus she could get from a backstab attack. "What about me?"

"Your Ulfric is waiting for you in your universe. Think about it, does this guy even sound like your Ulfric?" The redheaded thief grudgingly shook her head. "Because he's not. Your Ulfric is waiting for you back in your world. You'll seem him soon. But in the meantime, you could have some _other_ company."

"Would you care to dance, Lass?" a dark brogue purred in her ear. Kajsa looked up and smirked at the tall man who was suddenly wrapped around her personal space.

"Yes I would," Kajsa said lightly, her mood suddenly improving. "What about you?"

"She'll be with us," a deep bass growled.

"Do you think you could possibly write **one** story without it turning into porn?" Boys Do Like Girls asked pointedly.

Here Lies had the grace to look embarrassed. "You're right. Sorry. Um, let's go talk to the Dragons." When BDLG's looked away, Here Lies quickly made the 'call me' pantomime to the twin Companions standing nearby.

"HL!" She rushed to her friend's side. "Who is that?" he pointed to the fighting ring.

"Oh, that's GetOutOfMyBathroom." She replied, as she canted her head in confusion, "and his Dragonborn, I think? Why is he fighting?"

**GetOutOfMyBathroom**

"You did much better in that last fight," Stigr Land-Strider (by the Nine, it's Stigr Land-Strider! He's the star of the story "Of Heroes and Legends: Birth of a Legend". I'm swooning. He's so dreamy) began to say to GetOutOfMyBathroom (wow! It's the author of "Of Heroes and Legends: Birth of a Legend! I love that story) as the latter walked out of the fighting ring set up in the middle of the Palace of Kings. "You didn't look like a troll flinging shit as much. Your technique is improving substantially."

"I don't see you fighting anyone," GetOutOfMyBathroom responded to Stigr's snide remarks as he wiped his sweaty blonde hair out his eyes and grabbed a pint of mead. He wasn't angry with Stigr. He knew he was just being an ass to elicit a response.

"Two reasons for that," Stigr started before taking a sip of his own drink, "One, I am Dovahkiin and it would be unfair of me to fight. Two, I cannot risk injury while on break from the story. If I got hurt in some brawl, we would have to put our story on hold even longer."

"Well excuse me for hitting a bit of writer's block," GetOutOfMyBathroom snapped back. "It's not my fault."

"Actually it is," Stigr replied in a matter of fact tone. "If you weren't so obsessive compulsive and didn't change your characters and story on a whim, we wouldn't be on a hiatus right now."

"You're such a dick."

"I mean look at Boys Do Like Girls," Stigr continued, completely ignoring GetOutOfMyBathrooms comment. "You do not see him whining to other writers about how he has writer's block and needs help with his story. He writes incredible stories like a man. "

"I'm a man," GetOutOfMyBathroom said in a low voice that cracked a little. In truth, he knew that Stigr was right. Boys Do Like Girls was just a superior writer. Why else would all of these people show up to his party like this? Even if it wasn't in person and instead was written out in a make-believe land on a website most normal people thought consisted of middle-aged women with 40 cats and overweight men with enough zits on their ass to fill a novel in brail.

"Can you grow a beard?" Stigr asked.

"No."

"Then you aren't a man," he replied with a smirk.

Damn him. He knows that my inability to grow facial hair is my one true weakness. That rat bastard! GetOutOfMyBathroom fumed inwardly.

"Can we please be civil?" he pleaded, tired of taking verbal abuse from Stigr. "It is a party after all."

"Of course, apologies," Stigr said sincerely realizing he may have gone to far. "Besides, you do not need a beard to get drunk and fight!"

Both men (well one man and one sad boy who couldn't grow a beard) clasped forearms, clinked their mugs, and chugged their drinks. Then Stigr stood up on the table and shouted to everyone in the Great Hall.

"Who is next? Who is brave enough to fight my creator and protégé GetOutOfMyBathroom? Which one of you will be the one to beat him?"

GetOutOfMyBathroom climbed up and joined Stigr on the table.

"I just made Yrsarald Thrice-Pierced cry like a small girl. I'd understand if you all were now too afraid of being humiliated," he taunted.

"How about you Ralof?" Stigr suggested. "You look piss drunk and ready to fight. How about it, eh?"

"No," Ralof responded bluntly… and drunkenly.

"Oh come on now Ralof," GetOutOfMyBathroom continued. "I figured you of all people would love to get into a ring with another shirtless man and beat the shit out of each other. Well, maybe not seeing as we aren't handling swords."

"What are you saying?" Ralof replied with a stern look. The last taunt seemed to sober him up rather quickly. It seemed to GetOutOfMyBathroom that Ralof was now seriously considering accepting his challenge. So he continued with his taunts.

"Nothing at all. But maybe if you fight and do well, Hadvar over there will give you private swordsmanship lessons. What do you say to the fight now?"

Everyone around them had grown silent as they awaited Ralof's response to the challenge.

"I say that I'm going to kick your teeth down your fucking throat!" Ralof shouted and chugged the last of his drink. Cheers erupted from the small crowd as Ralof removed his shirt and stepped into the ring. He threw his arms in the air and began laughing to fire up the crowd.

Well at least now I know he doesn't hate me. Such a good sport. GetOutOfMyBathroom thought as he too began playing to the crowd.

Stigr brought both blonde men to the center of the ring and began telling them the rules.

"If a fighter yells stop, taps out, or goes limp, the fight is over. Try not to kill one another and fight with honor."

He looked at both men and yelled, "Fight!"

Ralof was the first to strike with a haymaker right hand that connected right on GetOutOfMyBathroom's face. It would have been a knockout if he hadn't seen it at the last second and taken a step back.

GetOutOfMyBathroom fired back with three quick jabs and a straight right. He began circling Ralof planning to use his superior speed and agility against the older and slower opponent. But Ralof was a stronger and more experience man threw his own combination at the younger man and it connected, breaking the young man's nose.

It had been a long time since GetOutOfMyBathroom had been hit that hard. Or had it? He couldn't remember. Not wanting to take any more hits he went for a bear hug. Ralof saw it coming and ducked under it and ended up behind GetOutOfMyBathroom.

"Oh my," GetOutOfMyBathroom said as Ralof held him from behind. "This is so sudden. I thought you would at least buy me dinner first."

He threw an elbow straight into Ralof's face and the older man was forced to let go as he shouted in pain. A deep gash appeared on Ralof's forehead from where the elbow had connected. Blood was pouring out of it but Ralof didn't seem to notice. Instead he pressed forward towards GetOutOfMyBathroom and continued his attack.

The young, blonde writer got caught in a corner and was unable to use his speed to escape. He covered up as Ralof unloaded a barrage of punches on his face and midsection. Eventually, GetOutOfMyBathroom was able to shove Ralof off of him and create some space. He then began his own two shots to the body and one to the head combinations on the stronger Nord.

It seemed to be working well until Ralof let out a roar and sent a massive right hand into the jaw of GetOutOfMyBathroom. It connected flush and the young writer's knees buckled and he fell to the floor.

Ralof let out a victory yell and helped the young man up.

"You fought well," he began, "Now let us drink!"

"In a minute," GetOutOfMyBathroom responded in daze. Ralof smiled and sat him down on a chair next to Stigr. Then he went over to drink and celebrate.

"That was awful," Stigr said as he drank from his mug. "He kicked your ass bad."

"Shut up," the dazed writer responded.

"I think he likes you though," Stigr added with a smirk.

"You are the worst."

"I am just a figment of your imagination. I do not actually exist. If I am the worst, it is because you made me that way," the tall, dark-haired Nord pointed out.

"True," GetOutOfMyBathroom consented as he grabbed a drink. "Here's to Boys Do Like Girls! Happy fucking birthday."

The two blue-eyed men clanked their drinks and chugged.

**Here Lies**

"Hey! Hey!" A drunken Redguard man with long black hair and striking blue eyes staggered up to the ring. "Fight me!"

"And that's JakMar."

"They're all drunk."

"You'd be surprised how often 'drunk' and 'fighting' came up when I asked people what they wanted to do at the party." She shrugged. "Or maybe not."

"No one touch that man! HE'S MINE!" a familiar voice cried out.

"Rikke?"

"Aela"

"Oh,"

The petit werewolf marched in, the crowd parting around her like sand. Stigr and GetOutOf MyBathroom suddenly found they needed to be in a different place, while JakMar attempted to focus his eyes on the Companion.

"Aela, honey, sweetness," he entreated.

"Don't you 'honey' me. Into the ring."

"Aela, aren't you married to JakMar?" Here Lies asked.

A low growl was the only response.

"So, maybe you don't want to kill him."

"This isn't your business."

"Jak's really good about posting reviews after each chapter, I don't want to lose him." Boys Do Like Girls added helpfully.

A gruff voice attached to a bearskin stated, "There is another option."

"Galmar! You're alive!" JakMar observed drunkenly.

"Not really, but no matter. Companion, you should arm-wreasle the milk drinker. That way honor will be preserved, and our writer here won't lose his reviewer."

"Why does everyone assume I'm going to lose?"

"Because you can't stand upright without hanging on to something," the Housecarl said.

In less than a minute, a table and two chairs were set up in the ring. JakMar and the Companion took their places, and each took a moment to assess their opponent. The crowd vacillated back and forth. The Redguard looked stronger, and now that he didn't have to stand, his chances seemed significantly improved. However, more observers were still counting on the companion's beast blood to carry the day.

Bets were made, heavily favoring Aela, until JakMar responded to her hard stare with a growl and his eyes flashed golden. Suddenly the tide of bets turned, and JakMar was now clearly favored to win.

Their hands clasped over the table. Galmar waited for the crowd to settle down as the tension rose. Both these combatants were known for the bloodthirstiness in battle. They were monsters; ruthless beasts who would never settle for anything less than total and complete domination, both on the field and off. The old soldier waited for their nods, and then counted the opponents down. "Three, Two, One, Go!"

No soon were the words out of his mouth than Aela's hand slammed Jak's down hard on the table. She lifted her fists triumphant in the air, while Jak whined and held his bicep. The crowd cheered and laughed good naturedly, as Jak stumbled out of the ring.

"That was really, really sad, my friend," Boys Do Like Girls observed.

"Eh," Jak shrugged. "That's why I married her. I love a woman who can kick my ass."

"What was the fight about anyway?" Here Lies asked.

"I … I… I don't remember." Jak said, he face drifting through a number of odd expressions. "Honey, what was the fight about?"

"Don't you 'honey' me! The fight was about you getting drunk and proposing to that Draugr Deathlord! Don't you remember?"

Jak's expressions once again moved in a disturbing fashion as he obviously tried to remember. "No. … Wait. She had armor! She had your pretty, pretty armor. I love your armor. It's pretty."

Aela huffed and strode to the bar while Jak slumped to the floor and giggled softly to himself, mumbling about the Draugr's glowy blue eyes.

"So, did you want to meet the dragons?" Here Lies asked gamely, hoping to leave this uncomfortable situation.

Boys Do Like Girls focused on something over her shoulder and narrowed his eyes.

"What?" His arms slipped up to keep her from turning.

"Stand still, there's someone in Nighingale armor hiding in the shadows."

"Well, where else would a Nightingale be."

BDLG frowned and tilted his head towards Kajsa and Brynjolf on the dance floor.

"Besides them."

"He's watching Jon and Ulfric. Come on."

Here Lies frowned and tried to move as quietly as a woman in high heels could-which wasn't very, but luckily, it seemed like the noise of the party was covering them. Halfway across the floor, she gave up and morphed into her Thora form. As they got closer, they could pick out more details of the stranger. He was clearly male, but he seemed too small to be a Nord, and he was carrying the Nightingale bow and sword. His face was still hidden by the hood, but they noticed a dunmer woman in mage robes standing close to him.

"Wait. Is that Brelyna Maryon? From the college?"

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"I never forget a face that turns me green. Let's hurry."

But it was too late. Two steps later, the main doors flew open and a half dozen figures in brown leather and chitin armor rushed in. She heard Boys Do Like Girls gasp "That's Morag Tong!" and was drawing a breath to Shout when a combination of arrows and firebolts dropped the assassins.

Jon was searching the bodies as when they got to the front of the hall, where they intercepted the Nightingale.

"Who was the target?" Ulfric asked.

Jon looked disgusted as he rose to his feet, shoving the missive to his father. "I was."

"Who hired them?" Thora asked, turning to include the newcomers.

"This one does not know," came the distinctive accent of Elsweyr. The thief removed his hood, confirming he was a Khajiit. "We came across their camp in the wood and followed them to the city. From there it was obvious that their target would be at this party, so this one and his companion waited for them."

Jon stepped forward, "I'm grateful you did. I'm Jon Stormcloak, Jarl of Windhelm." He held out his hand. "Have we met?"

"This one is called Shadow. My companion is Brelyna, a mage from Winterhold."

"I know you!" Here Lies exclaimed back in her username form.

"Will you stop doing that?"

"Sorry?" She said doubtfully. "Anyway, the Khajiit, that's RaptorZeroOne."

The cat looked confused. "Ah, yes, this one is also that one." He turned to Boys Do Like Girls. "I wish you a happy day of birth."

Boys Do Like Girls stared at the Khajiit and his hand started to rise. "Could I-"

"This one does not wish to be pet." Shadow said quickly, his ears flattening.

The young man become aware of himself. "Oh, of course. Sorry. Please stay and enjoy the party. I thank you for saving Jon." One side of his mouth quirked at that.

"Stop it." Here Lies said in an undertone.

He flashed his best innocent look.

She sighed. "Go and dance with Baby Idgrod. I need more mead."

During the next hour, Boys Do Like Girls proved he did indeed like dancing with girls. He danced with Idgrod, Selina, Dagny, Tavia and Thaena. Here Lies found There She Goes and Shes Comin chatting with Alsfur and Erik and commented to him about it.

"Oh yes, he's not much for talking, but he's a dancing fool."

"I think it's sweet."

"You like everything he does."

"That's not completely true. I've given him a hard time on a few things." There She Goes looked at her skeptically. "Oh hush."

"I didn't say a word."

When the song ended, Here Lies grabbed Boys Do Like Girls and lead him to the Dovah at the far end of the hall. "Drem Yol Lok!"

"Greetings, Het Nok, Kul Dreh Askk Vahdin," Paarthurnax intoned.

"Kul Dreh Vah-what?"

" Kul Dreh Askk Vahdin or Sons Do Love Maiden" she explained. "It was as close as we could get."

"And Het Not?"

"Het Nok, or Here Lies."

"Oh, that's lucky."

She grinned, "I know it is." She turned to the white Elder. "Are you having fun, Paarthurnax?"

"Geh, Het Nok. It has been a long time, Tiid lingrah vod, since I have had the pleasure of tinvaak with so many joorre."

Boys Do Like Girls smiled brightly. "I'm talking to Paarthurnax. I'm talking to a _dragon_."

_"I know!"_

"Geh, di fahdon," the dovah said, indulgently. "Het Nok, come closer."

"Yes?"

"The Scarlet one has been weak in his judgment." They both looked over to see Odahviing swaying slowly back and forth. "A Dovah is not meant to have such strong drink. It would not be pleasant if he should grow ill."

"And it's not like he can walk it off outside. The city's not exactly dragon-friendly." Boys Do Like Girls arched an eyebrow. "How did you get in here, anyway, Paarthurnax?"

"The same way you do, Kul Dreh Askk Vahdin, the door," he observed dryly.

Here Lies clamped her hand over her mouth to try and keep from laughing, but with a look at Paarthurnax she lost it.

"Enjoy that?"

"Oh hell, yes! Didn't you?"

Boys Do Like Girls smiled thinly. "Yeah, I did."

She walked to the drunk red dragon. "How are you doing, Odahviing?"

"Monah? Monah! I am well. I am fine, Monah."

"Why is he calling you _'mother'_?"

"I don't think he's fine," she observed quietly to her friend. "Odahviing?" she called louder. "Odahviing, I'm going to have some water brought to you. You need to drink it, but slowly. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Monah," he answered, swaying again.

Here Lies felt her heart go out to the Dovah. "Oh, rest your head, poor Odahviing. Here, lay down. That's better."

"I think I know why he calls you _monah._"

"Stop." She summoned a pair of servants to bring water to the dragon, and had a table brought over that he could use as a pillow.

"You realize you're mommying a drunk dragon. Right?"

"Have you ever been drunk? _This_ drunk? It's not much fun. You'd hope someone would take care of you."

"I don't think he's the only drunk."

Here Lies surveyed the room. In true Nordic party fashion, the majority of the attendees where, to put it bluntly, smashed. When the music paused, a middle aged Dunmer jumped on one of the tables and loudly called for a toast. His face was flushed, adding to the evidence that while he was clearly a dark Elf, the mer could party like a Nord.

"Wh-where, S'wit, Where's Girls Like Boys?"

After getting nudged by Alsfur, Boys Do Like Girls stepped forward. "You mean me?"

"There you are! My friends! We must drink! We must drink to Boy-Girls here. Because he writes the best stories!" There was warm applause as everyone drank and cheered.

"Do I know you?" Boys Do Like Girls asked the Dunmer.

"Of course you do. I read and comment on every chapter. Well, mostly every chapter. Some chapters? I love your story. I really, really do. You're so good."

"Who _are_ you," BDLG asked, slightly puzzled and not recognizing him at all.

"Orenssi. I'm Orenssi. How do you do?"

"Orenssi?"

"Oh, wait a moment! I know this one. Ah, ah, wait. Orange. It's SpecialAgentOrange. That's right."

"Oh, right." Recognition formed on the man's face. "I'm happy to meet you." He shook the Dunmer's hand.

"Would you like a drink?"

"No, I'm good."

"We should drink. We should drink to Brunwulf and Jarl Jon, who's been helping the Dunmer. And you made them, so you've been helping the Dunmer too. Thank you!"

Boys Do Like Girls couldn't help but laugh. The mer was a total drunkard, but he was a very pleasant drunkard. Orenssi wandered away to start leading some other drunks in singing what might, possibly, have been the Dragonborn song. Or it might have been 'Sweet Caroline.' It was difficult to tell.

**JakMartheDarkWarrior**

The night had been starting to come to a close. Those who left parties early have departed long ago, and those who remained were either deeply enjoying the company of their friends, or deeply enjoying their cups.

Boys Do Like Girls had been toasted and cheered repeatedly. But the night wasn't quite over yet.

Although he had been _deeply_ enjoying his cups, JakMar realized he needed to make an announcement. He was filled with a great personal feeling that he could no longer keep personal. He needed to share it with everyone there, so they could feel it too.

(Drunk Logic in action, ladies and gentlemen)

He climbed awkwardly on the center table, so he could get everyone's attention. Luckily, being the (one of many) Dovahkiin, he had the Voice, which was excellent for getting attention, even when you didn't want it.

"Everyone, can I have your attention. I have an announcement. Alright well this is rather embarrassing but I think I have to say it, this is to a very special someone. They know who they are. Now I know that we don't always get along and we argue a lot but I couldn't imagine my life without you."

Around the room, everyone who could still focus, focused on Aela, who smiled sweetly at her love.

"You're always there," JakMar continued, "You're there for me when I'm feeling down. You make me complete and I have to say, 'I love you.'"

Aela mouthed "I love you, too," back to JakMar.

Who then turned around to face the Dragon behind him. "Paarthurnax, will you marry me?"

Alea, Ysold and Here Lies all felt their eye double in size as they realized what had just happened. Slowly they turned to Aela, expecting bloodshed and stains what could never be removed from the carpets. Instead, they were even more shocked to find the huntress hunched over, trying to hide her tears. The women flocked around their fallen sister, catching and drawing JakMar's attention. He turned just in time to hear a random OC say to his friends, "Well, I always heard she was a _bitch._"

Without thinking, he responded, slamming his fist into the man's jaw and dropping him like a stone. Then he walked to his wife, gently cupping her face in his hands and wiping away her tears.

"You're an idiot." She sobbed.

He nodded. "But I'm your idiot." Their foreheads touched for a moment. Then Aela pulled back and threw the Dragonborn over her shoulder.

"Where are we going, dear?" JakMar asked watching the world upside down and from a very strange angle.

"To bed. You proposed to someone else again. You need to be punished."

"What kind of punishment?" he asked, torn between hope and fear.

"Shut up dear."

"Yes, honey."

Back in the main hall, anyone who tried could hear the conversation and let's face it, everyone tried.

"O-kay," Boys Do Like Girls observed, not knowing what else he could say.

"I think it was kind of sweet." Here Lies argued.

"Riiiight." Ulfric said.

End

And that's it. Thanks to everyone who joined in the madness. I hope you enjoyed it, but even if you didn't, PLEASE leave a birthday message for Boys Do Like Girls in the comments.

Thanks for reading!


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